Wow - it's been too long!

So, I just realized it's been over 2 years since I've been online and so many wonderful things have happened. What I've learned over the past 2 years is the importance of faith in my life...and trusting God's plan. If I sit quietly enough, then He will guide us...and that's EXACTLY what has happened.

Jackson (our little guy from Russia) turned 8 and is doing so well! He started 2nd grade this year - and with the right academic and therapeutic support continues to amaze us. The past 2 years, he's had amazing teachers who have also believed in him and made him feel so special. For all of you fellow mothers - the only advice I have is to trust your gut...you know what's best for your child and if we wait for others to intervene, you'll be waiting a very long time.

I've decided that sometime in my life my goal is to help other families struggle with what we've been through....it's the least I can do. And, looking back, I wouldn't change a thing. I'm so blessed to have 3 amazing children...and God continues to remind each and every day.

A New Beginning

After a long spring and a long summer of summer school for our little J, we decided to keep him in Kindergarten one more year. Something in my gut was just saying "a little more time" was what was best for J. So, on August 19th, I packed him up and dropped him off at the bus stop. I don't think I've ever prayed so hard for J to have a good day....and not a repeat of last year. Day 1 passed....then Day 2.....and I thought why haven't we heard from his new teacher? What's happening in the classroom? Prior to the school year, we had advocated for J to increase the amount of time in the Special Ed. classroom as there would not be an aide in the regular room this year. And, it worried us.

So, a week passes and I get a note from his teacher indicating things were going well. I couldn't believe it. I thought, what does well mean? And, who is defining it? I remember it was only a few months ago where we were dealing with tantrums, kicking chairs, acting out, refusing to write, and other behaviors. How, in over the course of a couple of months, had things changed?

Well, it's been about 5 weeks of the school year thus far....and while we are still cautious, things are going AMAZINGLY well! J is writing his name, doing his homework, sitting in the circle, sitting in his desk, standing in line and even carrying his tray in the lunchroom! Who is this child? His teacher has been very patient and has also been surprised at how well he's doing. Granted, he is still behind, which we expected -but he can finally function in a school. YAHOO!!!! Thank God for very small miracles - and blessings.....

The Struggle between working and not....

The past month has been an eye-awakening experience for me. As a professional working woman, I've always taken great pride in my accomplishments and loved what I do. Don't get me wrong - I still love it...but, lately, there's this little inner voice that continues to get louder about staying home or at least flexing my schedule.

Last month, our sitter was off for about 2 weeks due to illness. So, thankfully, I was able to flex my schedule so I was able to drop off my kids at school and then pick them up in the afternoon. For the first time in 2 years, I realized something was new....peace. I recognized immediately how my children were thriving and we were actually able to play during the week - versus the mad dash of homework, showers, dinner, and the bedtime routine during the school week. After the 2 weeks, I have to admit that I longed for that time to return but just didn't know how to make it happen. And, again, I love what I do for a living -so those moments were put on the back burner.

Well, today, I think God might be sending me a wake-up call. Have you ever had one? I'm driving in a rural area where I work and all of the sudden I hear this radio program that addresses the working mom. I'll never forget that moment....the talk show host says, "Have you ever seen the mother who is picking up her children from daycare and the children are jumping on her and jumping up and down? What does she do? She tells them to be quiet and get moving." Hmmmm.....boy, that sounded awfully familiar to me. Not every day, but it seems like we are always in a hurry. The talk show host had definitely gotten my attention.

She further went on to describe that it wasn't the working mother's fault - it was just that she had given so much all day at the office and was already thinking about the 100 things she had to do at home before getting the kids off to bed...and, then collapsing at the end of the night. Hmmmm....again, that sounded way to familiar. Unfortunately, the radio show didn't offer any answers....but I got the message. We only have 1 chance to raise our children in our lifetime. 1 chance....1 chance to tell them how much we love them....1 chance to cuddle up at night....1 chance to die Easter eggs while it's still fun....and 1 chance to build up their confidence so that they can succeed in whatever they try. Well, God, I heard you today.

If you, like me, have to work or choose to work while you are raising your children...make sure you cherish every moment that you have with them. Before we know it - they'll be grown up.

What an AWESOME place

So, here we were in March...ready to tackle one more doctor's visit for Jackson, our little guy from Russia. I didn't have too high of hopes since every time I had, I left feeling completely deflated.

The minute we walked into the 1960's furnished office, I knew something was different. After all, this doctor was the competitor of the physician we saw in January. Right away, Jackson was greeted and talked to as a person. Then, we met the doctor....and I was impressed!

Dr. N. walked into the room and introduced himself to Jackson and to me. He had obviously done his homework prior to walking into the room as he knew all about Jackson's history, had read the teacher reports (completed in September and February) and was ready to answer any question I had. WOW! Who is he? We spoke for a long time while Jackson played with toys and then I watched as this 50 something dr. got down on his knees and then laid down on the floor to begin playing. What - who DOES THAT?

He proceeded with giving Jackson 5 developmental tests that I'll write more about in another blog....

Round 2....

I've written much about our youngest son and first adopted child, Jackson....well, this past May, we adopted 2 additional children (ages: 6 and 8). They are great kids and we're truly blessed. Our oldest son has ADHD, combined type. So, I've learned a lot about parenting styles, effective rewards systems, and power of faith as he has tested us over and over and over again. In the coming posts, I'll share more of our experiences and how we finally were able to help him excel. Today, he's doing so great!

When we first met our daughter (who is the bio sibling of our oldest child), she was the responsible child - even at age 4! We could tell immediately the difference between boys and girls. And, thankfully, she was a child that we could count on to help; to follow through and to teach. She's in first grade and has done pretty well overall.

In November of this year, we noticed that she was having a harder time finishing her homework. We actually began thinking she may be a little "airheaded" and not as level-headed as we once thought. Her teacher also would describe this "out-of-control" child in school, unable to focus, always interupting, and tattling on others. Well, we were STUNNED! This was not our daughter - sure, she was a little spacey at times, but nothing to serious.

Well one day, she came home and had cut her shoestrings at school....I know, it sounds like not a big deal...but this is a replay of something we deal with every year with her older brother. I picked up the phone and called a local pediatrician who specializes in treating children with ADHD and ADD. And, off we went.

We left his office with medication and doubt....I really didn't think this was what was going on, but thought I would give it a try and prove everyone wrong. Well, I was the one that was wrong. Within 2 days, we could see an immediate difference in our little girl. The "responsible" child was back! And, thank heavens! We learned that she has ADHD - Inattentive Type (formerly known as ADD) which usually doesn't show the behavioral issues of the child with ADHD combined type.

Disappointed in Doctors....

Sorry it's been so long since I've last posted in January! Well, the January appointment that we waited so patiently for was a complete waste of our time! The physician that we saw, why I'm sure she's very good and knows what she's doing, spent 45 minutes with us and had her eyes closed 40 minutes of that entire time! I couldn't believe it! Within 10 minutes, I knew we were in the wrong place.

She completed some very basic developmental screenings, had us complete a questionnaire on autistic signs, and then asked us some questions. Then, she spent the next 30 minutes talking in circles and not really asking or answering anything! I could tell our little boy - the one who LOVES doctors - was terrified of her. At the end of our visit, she mentioned that she was going to send the teacher a questionnaire to complete. I rattled off the name of the questionnaire as I had been through this with our oldest son before who has ADHD, combined type. She told me that Jackson had "internal control" issues and that medicine would help him.

Well, she spoke to the wrong mother! I asked her how could she medicate him when she didn't know if it was fetal alcohol syndrome, mental retardation, significant developmental delay, etc. Rather, it appeared, she was planning on medicating him for ADD or ADHD - both of which our family doctor and pediatrician did not think may be the result. So, needless to say....we were outta there and never looked back.

We have 1 more appointment scheduled in March - and I pray, oh do I pray, that we find someone who can help us help Jackson.

New Year....New Strategies

Happy New Year! I'm sorry it's been so long since I've written! Jackson has continued to progress behaviorally at school (thank heavens!). He's now able to sit in the classroom, sit in the reading circle during rainbow time, and even sit to participate in a lesson. Since his behavior is now "under control" we are now able to work on academics and have learned he's really behind, which is nothing new to us. So, he continues to work with his aide every day and also sees the resource room teacher and school OT and PT, which has continued to help.

We saw a specialist today in a town a few hours from our house - known as a developmental pediatrician and came highly recommended for children who were delayed. We have a friend whose son has autism and she really liked this physician. So, after 6 months of waiting for the appointment...our day FINALLY came.....I'll write more this week on what we learned - or didn't learn - and the importance of mother's intuition.

Deep Pressure Massage and Children with Behavioral Issues

The school OT suggested we use a technique known as deep pressure massage during the 2 week Chrismas break. It's my understanding that this is a technique that some OT's use with patients to try and stimulate the brainstem. The brainstem stimulation teaches the child to learn to "chill out" during very stressful times instead of having a tantrum, head-banging or swearing, which is more common for him.

So, we began on Friday night....every 2 hours when he is awake, we take a small brush (it's a surgical scrub brush) and apply deep pressure, similar to a massage, to his arms, back, and legs for about a minute. Then, we follow it with joint compression (I think that's what it is called) for all of his joints. So far, we've been doing it for almost 48 hours and he welcomes it. He likes to try and give Mom the massage - which I think is cute. We'll train his babysitter tomorrow to complete it when he's at daycare and then will work with the special education teacher to do it when he starts back to school. According to the OT, we'll count this period as a very intense deep pressure massage for the next 3 weeks. Then, after that, we'll only bring it out when we know he's going to face a stressful time - for example, the start of the new school year.

I have more information about deep pressure massage that I will post later. It is a technique that is very controversial and cannot be used for every child. If you think it may help your child begin to learn coping strategies, please engage the help of a trained occupational therapist.

Seeking Help From School for Jackson

Sorry it has been so long since I last wrote, but it's taken quite awhile (almost 2 months) for the school to complete the testing and for us to learn the results.

Well, in a nutshell, according to the school psychologists, Jackson does not fall on the autism spectrum. We're not sure if that's completely true as he has a lot of behavioral outputs that are characteristic of some children with autism. Anyway, after much testing, they decided to qualify him for special education services (which I think are now officially referred to as the resource room) so he can have assistance in learning letters and numbers, writing, and reinforcing what the teacher is learning. He did qualify for these services under developmental delay, which is something we've said from the beginning. Our son seems to be about 1-2 years behind his peers, which is very common of children who have been institutionalized. He also qualified for services and help from OT (occupational therapy) and PT (physical therapy), so we feel like we may be making progress. More to come as we learn more....

Jackson seems to have "adjusted" to the classroom as his teacher reports he's sitting in the circle more often, playing with some of his classmates, sitting at the table, and fewer tantrums. So, we're optimistic that the teacher and his classroom aide have done a GREAT job in helping him. He knows all of his capital ABC's now and can count to 12 - sometimes 20 (on a good day). We're working with number recognition now.

Sensory Integration and Our Son...

I remember the day I took Jackson to our family practice doctor and explained all of the behaviors he was exhibiting in school. After a lot of talking (45 minutes and Jackson hadn't even fidgeted once!), he asked me what I wanted for my son. In my head, I honestly didn't know what we were dealing with - whether it was Sensory Integration (SI) or fetal alcohol syndrome (FAS) or reactive attachment disorder (RAD), autism or if he was just behind, developmentally - which of course he was -he was institutionalized for 2 years of critical brain developing years!

So, I asked our family physician for a referral to a pediatric occupational therapist as a result of my research and learning that occupational therapy (OT) was the most effective treatment for children with SI. And, there you have it! We've completed a sensory profile of Jackson and had the results interpreted....and, my gut instincts were pretty much spot on. Jackson has delays in most areas and exhibits almost all behavioral and emotional reactions as a result of not being able to process the information that his senses are giving him. A mother's instinct is always right!!! We are waiting an appointment to begin intense OT sessions - which I think he will thrive from and help him to understand.

We've been able to forward this sensory evaluation to his teacher and the OT through the school system to offer advice and suggestions to help him adapt at school. They've implemented little things: routine, taking him to the library when there is a lot of chaos in the room, reminding him that the bell will be ringing soon, accepting that it's okay if he doesn't "sit" down like all of the other children during circle, and giving him hugs to reassure him, even when he's mad. And, well, they've seen a significant change! Granted, he's not the traditional, well-behaved 6 year old, but I wouldn't want him to be!

So, if your child is acting out at school or wherever it may be, you may want to look up the signs of SI online and visit with your doctor and school! I'll continue to update you on what we learn through OT.

Research....research....research

I'll never forget leaving that first SAT meeting and thinking that the teachers were asking for help and I needed to do everything I could to educate myself and then share that information with them.

So, I started by calling our adoption agency to see if they had heard of similar challenges from orphans from Russia. Our social worker was very nice and referenced their own children and how they had been able to help them. However, I didn't really feel like the challenges we were dealing with was anywhere near what the school was seeing. Everything was so....vague. I asked if they had received calls from other families - and the answer....no. Next, I called the adoption agency who did our home study. The social worker there who has met Jackson was very, very nice and reassuring. She referred me to one of her staff to visit with me about attachment disorder. I kept saying, "he doesn't have difficulty with attachment otherwise he would have never attached to us NOR his new brother and sister." And, so, with that, I waited for the return phone call. And waited....and waited......

After many nights of tears, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I began researching the following terms: orphans, institutionalization, autism, sensory integration, reactive attachment disorder and even fetal alcohol disorder.

The more I read about some of the disorders, I thought that maybe Jackson had a few symptoms of several of them. However, the one that really stuck out for me was sensory integration disorder. I'll blog more about this later. It was clear to me from what I read that Jackson had every behavioral and emotional reaction to not being able to cope with sensory input. Further, it was very common for children who had been institutionalized to have this diagnosis. And, in my head, it made a lot of sense - after all, we had limited the environments he was in for the past 4 years. Where did he thrive? Small groups, in-home, quiet, etc. Where was he known as the "naughty child"? School settings where he couldn't process the information.

YEAH - we were finally onto something!

Jackson's First Few Weeks of Kindergarten

It's the start of the school year and our little guy is so excited to ride the big yellow school bus to Kindergarten! Off he goes and I sit buy and cry! I can't believe he's grown so fast...where did the past 4 years go? In my mind, it was just like it was last week when we were in Russia.

From the very start, I started receiving phone calls and visiting with his teacher about her concerns. She was seeing significant behaviors that had begun to affect the classroom. Here's what was going with Jackson: difficulty sitting in the bus and not standing on the seat; not able to be redirected when they asked him to stop doing something (like kicking the seat); not sitting in the circle; kicking chairs; head banging and head butting the teacher; swearing; full-out temper tantrums; angry voice; striking out at peers; refusing to write; etc. I remember sitting in our first SAT school meeting in mid-September and was heartbroken. Here was my son - the child who has overcome so much in his short life - being, again described as a monster. We were not seeing behaviors of this magnitude at home nor at day care. So, suddenly, I began realizing that the school environment was triggering something for him - look at preschool and now Kindergarten. Again, diagnoses were thrown out: autism, attachment disorder, ADD, etc.

So, as a parent of the only internationally adopted child within our district at this time, it became my crusade to educate myself. Over the next few weeks, I've done so much research on orphans who spent time in orphanages and the impact that has had in their transition to school.

As time goes by, I'll update you on what has worked, what hasn't, and resources that we have found helpful.

A Pattern Begins...

A year ago, we enrolled Jackson in a full-time preschool as we knew he needed a lot of structure, routine and more intense education than some of his peers where we lived. Initially, the teachers would tell us that he was such a good little boy. And, as you can imagine - we were THRILLED! Then, a few months passed and we were now hearing things like - "We're concerned about your son." When I asked what that meant - they threw out words like: autism, reactive attachment disorder, sociopath, ADD or ADHD. I was stunned - and speechless! They would describe this very, very angry little boy...which was the opposite of who we saw 90% of the time at home. (Don't get me wrong, he has his days!)

Some of the behaviors they referenced seeing were: head banging, full body temper tantrums, swearing, hitting himself, short attention span, kicking chairs, and not following directions. In addition, he had no desire to sit still in the circle nor did he have any interest in learning how to write. He could recognize his name and was beginning to recognize the alphabet, but he still had no interest in writing letters or coloring (besides all out scribbling). The teachers would report that the only thing that seemed to calm him down was removing him from the room and placing him with the 2 year olds and a book.

So, after only 6 months, we decided to remove him from this setting as it was only reinforcing negative behavior. We placed him in a new in-home daycare, where he again began to thrive.

Realizing Something Wasn't Quite Right

The next several years went by so quickly....Jackson went from not
speaking at all to being our little social butterfly! He's gone from
not attaching to any particular "toy" to his favoriteflinstone toy car
(or at least that's what we call it!). He shows a lot of emotion and is
the most loving little boy we've ever met...okay, we're biased!

A year ago, we decided to remove him from his in-home daycare to start a
full-time preschool in a larger city where we live. I remember being so
scared taking him there. The teacher probably thought I was a paranoid
mother as I spent a lot of time educating her and the director about
Jackson's background. I also pointed out that developmentally he was
behind his peers - and that was okay with us. Again, we stressed that
you could not compare him to his peers - he didn't have the same
upbringing. After all, he was institutionalized until age 2.

At first, I heard the greatest reports from the teacher when I would pick
him up. While he didn't have an interest in writing anything, he was
learning his ABC's and could recognize his name within only a few short
months...we were thrilled!!!! Then, the call came. I'll never forget
it. The Director of the Preschool had concerns about our son - he
wasn't standing in line, he would throw temper tantrums, kick chairs,
scream, say naughty words, and bang his head against the floor or wall.
While we had seen these behaviors at home, they were infrequent and
very manageable. In fact, I remember describing them to the preschool
teacher as behaviors of a 2 or 3 year old who doesn't get their way.
After all, Jackson was only 4 and so, because of his delays, he was
behaving like a 2 or 3 year old.

Things continued to get worse in the school setting. We took him to both our family practice docto
and pediatrician - both who said that there was nothing medically wrong with him that would cause him to act out. The pediatrician recommended a psychiatrist. Now, with all due respect and probably a part of our journey, I wasn't ready to see a psychiatrist who may spend an hour
with my son and prescribe a pill. I spent weeks researching regional specialists who may spend time treating children who were adopted from overseas. But, no luck. So, after a few more months, we removed him from preschool and placed him into another in-home daycare.

Time passed and we would ask the daycare provider if she was seeing the same
signs that the preschool reported. She mentioned thatoccassionally, Jackson would have "bad days" - like other children and they would consist of the temper tantrums, bad words, etc. But, then either with redirection, time out or ignoring the behavior, he would settle down.

So, here we were...parents who wanted so desparately to help our youngest son, but yet were confused as we didn't see the same magnitude of behaviors the preschool saw. In all honesty, we just blamed it onoverstimulation in the classroom and too many children. We would wait until fall to see how he responded to kindergarten - which consisted of a much smaller class size than his preschool.

Our Journey to Parenthood

Our journey to parenthood began 5 years ago when we began the process to adopt our son from Russia. It was an amazing and memorable experience - one which we won't ever forget!

We met our youngest son, Jackson, 4 years ago in a little orphanage outside of Moscow, Russia. The day that we've waited for our entire lives finally changed in the blink of an eye. Here we were, in a foreign country, surrounded by orphanage staff and our translator, when we heard, "clunk, clunk, clunk" coming down the long hallway. In walks this little boy, with his eyes covered. He was the most beautiful child I had ever seen - and we knew that God had finally blessed us with our little miracle. Our translator whisked him up into her arms, showed him a mirror and whispered sweet Russian words to him. Then, slowly, his little hands came down from his eyes and revealed the most beautiful brown eyes ever! Our translator looked at him and then said, "Meet Mama." and handed him to me. I'll never forget it.

Jackson officially became a member of our family a few short weeks later - and, well the rest has been history. He is the sweetest little boy who has touched so many lives. I've learned over the past 4 years that my role as Jackson's mother is to educate others about the joys of international adoption. It has also become my personal mission to advocate for my son - whether it's in a new daycare setting, Sunday School or the school system. I'm hoping that this sight is helpful to other parents as they look for resources for their children.

Why Am I Blogging?

Hello! This is my first attempt at trying out the world of "blogging". I'm fairly new to this concept, but have recently been on-line searching for information in order to help my children. After much research, advocacy and frustration, I realized that what I've learned over the past few years might be helpful to another parent...hence, the creation of my blogspot. I hope you find it helpful.